Someone mentioned that there hasn't been any "THE FUCKING WORLD'S GONNA END!!!" theroies recently. As a survivor of Y2K & 12/12/12 (and the shit ton of other "doomsdays" we've lived through) I find it troubling that everyone isn't convinced that humanity is going to collapse upon itself this year. I mean, come on...every other year had one, right? So we're just going to leave 2013 out of it? The world's not going to end this year? WRONG!!!!! That's just not fair to 2013. Look at it. All lonely and with no fanatics freaking out that we're all going to die tomorrow. IT'S A GODDAMN SHAME! So, I came up with an "end of the world day" for this year...you know, so it wouldn't feel left out. (Poor 2013) Everyone will be forced to buy the Xbox One over the PS4 due to a rash of explosions at Sony's factories/warehouses causing mass suicides, and homicidal fits of rage. Blood will pour into the streets. Millions dead. Bounty hunters will hunt down Bill Gates and string him up in Times Square. Steve Jobs will arise from the dead and release the iPhone 5s, 6, & 6s over a span of only three months, causing the survivors of the Xbox massacre to wreak havoc all over the world because they had just bought the new one, and now there's another one out that has a single new feature that the previous version didn't have. Rioting and looting will become increasingly common, as billions line up at Apple stores to get the latest version, but the stores are only receiving deliveries of 1,000 phones. Hipsters will switch back to Nokia flip phones, and the reanimated corpse of Steve Jobs will hunt them down and feast on their flesh. Once bitten, they too will become a "Jombie" (a zombie Steve Jobs). Their need for constant mindless apps, and pointless conversations with Siri will attract them to anyone who has an Apple product, and they shall be turned as well. Billions are dead, millions are obsessively playing Candy Crush (or hunting down people with an iPhone/iPad so they can upload selfies to Instagram). The handful of survivors will be forced to find refuge in remote locations, and go mad from a total lack of technology. They will brave the infested zones in a futile attempt to locate a PC to update their Facebook status. Mark Zuckerburg will eventually hit a kill switch, removing any trace that Facebook ever existed, causing more suicides. The people who don't kill themselves, will massacre each other in a bloody war know only as the Interaction. It will be brought on by the lack of ability to express speech or emotion without utilizing pokes, likes, and status updates. Gyms and restaurants will be burned, as no one can check into them anymore, so they prove useless. After 16 months of war, someone will remember that there is still MySpace, and the treaty of the Friends List will be signed, restoring peace. People will then realize that they no longer have access to Apple's IOS system, and the cloud will delete everyone's data. People will be forces to use only Android powered devices. This causes the great Android Plague. Those who are using the Android systems, will go insane by its lack of speed & ad-free apps. They will have to be put down as to not spread the disease to the half million uninfected survivors. And that, my friend, is how humanity will fall. We only have until 11/12/13. It can be prevented...but as of yet, no steps have been taken. Find me on: Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/nytatt2chick Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/nytatt2chick Instagram: http://instagram.com/nytatt2chick YouTube: http//www.youtube.com/therealnytatt2chick Google+: https://plus.google.com/app/basic/104204766948735523107?gpsrc=gpmobile:ios&partnerid=gpmobile:ios&source=apppromo Email:
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